Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
