Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
