We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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