mondays should just be called national damage control day
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
