another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
