I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
