OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
