He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
