and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
