I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
