All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
