you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
