The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
