i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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