I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
