I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
