So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i came on her dog
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
