I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
