i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're like the curious george of whores
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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