I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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