Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
