wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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