You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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