we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she smelled like a LAN party
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
