he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
