I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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