I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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