Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
