Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
