had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
