when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
