Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
