I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
