my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
