SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
