I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My bed smells like the plague
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
