i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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