ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
