Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
