This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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