We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
