Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
