He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
