Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
