Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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