you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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