Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
