she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
