I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
