I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
