About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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