mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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